Now, Canada is a constitutional monarchy. Which is stupid, we sure don’t recognize the right of the royal family to rule. So it seems like we should just politely tell them we’re done with them and that democracy is fine with us, the monarchs can go hump themselves with their ridiculous fame and stupidly over-inflated fortune.

But we don’t want to. Because the Queen has been a friendly old lady, and a nice face on our government. So maybe we keep the queen, but we politely decline to touch any of that prince Charles disaster. Canada should go to Queen Elizabeth II, and tell her that she’s the last Queen of Canada. After she goes, we flip off Prince Charles, and we switch from a Queen to Canada’s first FOLC.

That is of course, the Friendly Old Lady of Canada. Chosen by the Senate after a country wide search, the FOLC is the friendliest lower-middle class woman in Canada over the age of 65 who bakes good cookies and appears to love everything. The FOLC replaces the Queen as a friendly non-douchey figurehead for our government, will be more distinctly Canadian, non-classist and help remind Canadians our of true values, eating cookies and being polite.

This is a serious idea. At least it’s more serious than people who suggest we should stick with the fucking monarchy. Those young royals? I don’t think so. Talk about it, maybe we can get it in the NDP platform in a few election cycles.